1. Crickets. Holy moly, I hate those things. When we first moved into our place last year, they would swarm our house like a hostile takeover. They crawled under our front door and would ambush anyone and anything. At any given time, you’d have 3 crawling towards you. AND THEY JUMP. Crickets jump and get in between your flip flop and your foot and then you step on it…. Ahhhhhh, I’m freaking out just typing this. Ahhhhhhh!!! My husband got very good at keeping a cup and folder around so I could trap them and release them outside. And then it would start all over again.
2. Space shuttles. They have just been in space (see #5). They have space dust on them. They look like flying killer whales. Seriously, how scary would a flying killer whale be? When we were at Sea World, they showed this whale montage at the Shamu show and they had whales doing normal people things, but whale-like. So, they were “swimming” through a field, “swimming” around tall buildings, “swimming” on the freeway. Oh my god, it was my worst nightmare come true. Flying killer whales.
3. Getting my blood drawn. Yesterday I went and had blood drawn at the doctor’s office and I got clammy when the lab technician made me sit down. I told her that I would pass out so just be ready. She told me I was crazy and that she would give me a lollypop if I was good. I held her to it and got my lollypop, damn it. But seriously, every other time I’ve had blood drawn, I’ve woken up on the floor. So, I was just warning her for her own good.
4. Open Water. Um. No thanks. Just floating there in water where you don’t know what is swimming around you? When my husband and I were dating, he taught me how to water ski out in front of his parent’s house. That sounds funny until you realize they lived ON Puget Sound. So anyway, I’m waterskiing, I’m waterskiing… then I’m done. Floating in Puget Sound. And silently freaking out because there are a whole host of things that are swimming around me. I acted all cool but I was freaking out inside. Same thing happened when he taught me how to sail. The next day. That whole vacation was a lesson in hyperventilation.
5. Deep space. Have you ever just taken a moment to really think about how small and insignificant we are? I start thinking about space and my mind does that backwards-zoom thing they always show in planetary videos where they show a person and back the camera out through space to the VERY BEGINNING OF CREATION. Like through all the stars and space dust, planets, solar systems. Holy crap, it’s terrifying to think about being in the middle of all that nothing.
6. Things like this guy .No. No no no no no no. You are just swimming along (which I wouldn’t be doing anyway, see #4) and all of a sudden this guy comes out of NO WHERE and is all big-mouthed and freaky. No thanks.
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